Things might not be as bad as it seems sometimes.

oh that puppy? it's just to attract your attention. Now I've got yours, please read on.

Hi guys! Been rather busy these few days with photo shoots and all... Man, it was a hectic one. To be honest, I am not even done editing the photos yet even after burning two midnight oils (Three actually, if including setting up this temporary macbook my friend lent to me) but.... heck it, I need to come back to this space in awhile just to write out whatever thoughts I have this few days.

So this time round, my process of editing photos was rather slower and inefficient compared to the past. Why? Because my laptop broke down! My champion finally broke down after... 5-6 years? Damn, it lasted me so long. 

Even though its cranky at times, it can't startup unless it is plug in to the power brick (it became more like a...mobile desktop. The irony...), it's slow most of the times, the USB port can't work sometimes, for some reason it can't play video normally and all other problems. But hey, it lasted me so long! It witnessed how I started experimenting photoshop to actually using it as a skills to break into the industry, all my design work were created using this laptop and not to mention that cute laptop skin I pasted ever since I got it (love it). 
I love this laptop even though it can get on my nerve sometimes.

Now, the problem is not about it broke down and I need the money to fix it (although it's a problem, considering I have spent quite a lot previously for my camera fungus issue), the main problem is, I have near to 2000 photos, sitting and waiting in my SD cards for me to open them up and edit them. I can't since my laptop decided to break down at this critical moment.

My first reaction? Angry. I got really angry. At everything, how everything just wants to spoil my plan, schedule and all. How I have to spend another fortune after spending on my photography equipment issues. I started thinking how this year is absolutely not my year and how everything is not going as I planned. 

I started planning in my head of how to get money to fix my laptop ASAP in order to submit my work to the company. Nothing seems to work out and I'm really afraid I can't submit my work on time this time.

Then, I don't know how, helps arrived. My friend have this old macbook pro (running on windows and windows only) that I'm currently using it to blog too to lent it to me for the time being. It's old but work well with the programs that I have to use. He actually lent it to me without second thoughts. Without this laptop, I'm seriously screwed. 

Halfway through editing the heaps of photos, I received a text from a company I worked with in an event about changing some text in a video I have produced for them (when I have informed them to inform me by last Wednesday if there are any changes to be made since I don't have access to imovie all the time... ANYWAY). In the mid of my work and having this request at the same time frustrates me once again, thinking everything and everyone just wants to spoil my plan and schedule. 

Then, I don't know how again, helps arrived. My girlfriend saved the day by editing it for me on her mac with imovie even when she don't know how to really use it. Letting me focus on the work I have currently instead of worrying when can I submit the video to them again.

This may seem like a rant post but I have actually learned something from this incident(here comes the life lesson!),

Things might not be as bad as it seems sometimes.

Yes, things may cock up from time to time, disrupting your work and original plan hence slowing you down. I don't know how I am so blessed with all these people around me, my problems manage to be solved with such speed and little effort. 

What I am trying to say is, do not expect things to be adjusted to you or take things for granted. Things may go wrong, all the time. Instead of complaining and being angry why things doesn't go your way, adjust yourself to the situation instead.

You are the key to turning bad situations into a good one or making a problem disappear. 
Adjusting your mindset and attitude towards different conflicts and matter will make you a more efficient problem solver (which obviously, I did not). You might realize, hey, things are not that bad after all.

This time round, I am really grateful for having all these people around me. Thank you once again for being in my life and helping me without a second word whe

never I run into any problem. 


This year may not be my year, but I'm still very blessed to have you guys around after so many years.

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When you thought you had it all.

Ever had those moments when you thought you had it all, all that promises, a plan that you are just waiting to execute beautifully, yet before it could even happen, it's gone.

It happened to me, thrice this year alone (barely into 1/3 of the year, woah). I had so much confidence in myself, so hopeful of what's going to happen to me. Then I can have my life plan, marriage, part time degree, everything. It was perfect in my head. But guess what, life usually doesn't give you what you want before going through some shit.

I remember when I was still in the airforce, my friends around me who have already got out of National service actually mentioned that they wish they were still in the force. I thought they were crazy to say this. Who didn't want to get out of a life that they hated so much everyday, dreading it every minute? They talked to me, telling me that it's really different to be out here, looking for a job or just getting everyday by. I was so confident with myself and skills that I pushed them aside and gave them a "I got this." attitude. 

Guess who didn't got it?

Oh, how wrong was I, to think that my plan and future after I'm done with national service will be executed perfectly. I will be leading the life I want!

Coming to 6 months of my "freedom" and I'm still barely getting by. (Joke on myself, you might be seeing me serving starbucks coffee really soon.)

Everyone says and tell each other, follow your dream, your aspiration and believe in yourself. We see it in advertisement, drama, movie that as long as you believe in yourself, follow your dream everything will work out fine.

And here, I'm telling you my friend, one thing that no one ever says because being pessimistic about life and yourself is a big no-no...

That's total bullshit.

Unlike the movie, or anything you see on the social media or TV or whatever, everything was nicely planned out, scripted. (Fortunately, unfortunately.)

Oh they ran into a failure while trying to achieve something out of their life, oh someone came by and gave them this opportunity and oh happy ending.

It's a lie. 

We all know life doesn't work out so well. We don't get to meet nice people all the time, appreciating you, giving you the opportunity to learn and grow. Instead, most of time we meet nasty people, who rejects you no matter how well you do, who shuts their door in your face and shouting at the top of their lung if you don't do something well.

That's the ugly truth my friends. Reality hits the hardest when you thought you had it all.

Everyone knows that, but no one really tell you what to do or expect. Why? Because like I said, being pessimistic about life and yourself is a big no-no in other people's eyes. People don't care about how you slogging at work daily, or how many setbacks you have encountered before working as what you want to do and being successful in life.

So do you give up, nope. Don't you even dare. I'm not giving up despite after so many rejects or doors that were shut in my face. Because I know, when one door shuts in my face, another door will open behind me. It's just a matter of luck and time. All these bad experiences, rejections will only build me up and pushing me harder into what I really want to become. Yes, I can get pretty depress or upset at time, you can be depress and upset. Go ahead, we are all human, it's fine. But promise me, brush off those doubts and negativity, get back up and continue working towards what you truly believe you are capable of.

When you fall, get back up. It's hard but you have no other choice. Because you are the "director" of your life. You script your own life with every decision you make. It's not going to be easy but you know at the end of the day, it's all going to be worth it.

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Goal orientated VS Doing-it-for-show.

Tonight's topic? 

Goal orientated versus Doing-it-for-show

So you have got out from a certain lifestyle or job or whatever. For me? National service (I will be using National Service as an example since I have personal experience. Sorry if the ladies can't relate to it). The most common questions thrown to me or you who are reading this (i'm sure you can relate):

"What's next?" "Studying?" "Any plans?"

Or for people here who are a couple visiting relatives or parents friends or whoever are older:

"When are you getting married?" "When are you getting a house?" "Plans to have babies?"

And often, it's through these peer pressure people are applying it on you, unknowingly pushes you to do things that are often.... not quite what you actually planned or wanted.

Here are some signs or hints for you, to know if you are doing it for the sake of doing(to shut people up or just for show), or because it's what you have always planned to do it, your personal life goals.

1. You don't enjoy the process.  

I'm sure you have heard people complaining that life is tough or pondering if this particular choice or path is right for them all the time. (Well everyone do that all the time, but read on.)

To me, slogging hard or even suffering in some case during the process to your personal goals are worth suffering for. Through the process, you learn, concentrate and keep focus towards that goal you have always believed in. You are suppose to feel even more encouraged to keep on going rather than doubting yourself all the times. Of course there will be times when you are depress and even doubt yourself, but if you manage to keep your head up and brush off those doubts off your mind, hey, you are doing for your own sake and that's something to be proud about.

Meanwhile, people who actually doubt every single steps they take, or even ask themselves "Why the hell am I doing this?" more than "It's tough but this is what I want." are often people who make decisions based on viewpoints of others and that, which brings us to the next point.


2. You let other people's viewpoint affect your decisions.


"Why are you studying this field?? It doesn't bring money!"
"Why don't bank loan?"
"Why not just work for the money and plan later?"

If you let those questions above affect your decisions, hey, you are bound to regret one day. It might not be in the near future, but one day. 
"Why?" You may ask. 
Everyone have a different views and values about life. What matters to them, might not to you. So why let others decide what you can, should and not do? 

And I don't mean you can't ask for advice from experienced people. You certainly can, but letting it affect and pressure you in any decision that you make? Maybe not.



3. You made certain decisions just to shut people up.

Recently I heard this story about a couple who had a shotgun marriage. Of course it is the right thing to do, the man should take up responsibility for his mistake(?) and the lady. They did what everyone see it as the right thing to do. 

So they did. Marrying, getting an apartment, happily ever after and people stop pointing fingers or gossip behind their back. So you think the matter is over when the people around them see them settled down? Nope.

After they got married, there were frictions, lots of it. They quarrel over money, baby, family and even the smallest things. They were certainly unhappy. But did anyone care about it (other than the family)? Nope. Because they did the right thing already, who cares how they are managing or suffering after that? No one is interested. But the couple have to deal with it, it's their life after all.

Hold on, I'm not saying they did the wrong thing, of course they must bear the consequences and be responsible of the baby but this is one good example of how people made decisions sometimes, simply because it's the right thing to do in other people's eyes (and shut them up).
We often make decisions based on what people say, just to appease them, or to build that perfect image in other people's eyes. At the end of the day, it is us who will regret.



It's our life. We must be responsible for our decisions that we made for ourselves. It doesn't make any sense how we make important, life deciding decisions based on other people's perceptions and views.

If you haven't found your goal, purpose. I suggest you to keep looking for one. Be focus. Do not settle down because of some remarks from others or pressure to do well in a short time. 
Do not settle for convenience sake my friend. 
We all have skills that we might not even realized yet. Live for your goals, your purpose, not for how people will see you as because it's your own life after all. 

People affect and decides your decision, but when you screwed up, or realized that it's a mistake, will they apologize? 

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The art of comparison.

"I wish I could drive the car he is driving."

"My achievement is nothing, there are people who (input greater achievements)."

 "If only I have her figure/face."  

 "Everyone around me has a degree, what about me? Am I in the right path?"

Ahhhh... Comparing is what people does the most isn't? It's almost an instinct of human to automatically compare whatever we have to others. We can't really help it, even if sometimes we don't even know their name. 

I will admit, comparing is not unhealthy all the time, it pushes us to do greater things, to be as successful or how perfect they are in our eyes. But have you ever thought about the person behind all those great successful stories and fanciful cars? (By that, I mean their emotion, values of life, stories, goals and etc.)

I had a friend of mine, a close friend. Who drives. Yeap. Big, fanciful and expensive car. Who is younger than me and always drive me to school and all in the past (nice fellow). 
One day I was sitting at the back and my mind goes "Someone younger than me is actually driving such a big car and I don't even have my car licence. What am I doing with my life?"

Lets be frank about it, comparing actually brings a lot more negative impact more than a positive impact to our mental being. It depresses us more often. Making us feel lousy about ourselves, even when we have achieved things that meant so much to us. Sad to say, at least for me, it affects our self esteem more than you realize.

Some people may argue that, "Hey, it actually pushes me to achieve greater stuff and be like them! How is that negative?" Well good for you! So what will you do after achieving that? Continue comparing and achieve greater things? Well.. good for you...? 

What I'm trying to say is, there is no point comparing. You might be comparing yourself to someone who is driving a fancy car at the front while he might be comparing himself with you who sits at the back, relaxing (*drops mic*).

Oh yeah. About that friend of mine? I actually voiced out and commented that I'm actually jealous of him able to drive such a car at such a young age one day. And he said: 

"I am jealous of you able to follow your passion in life. Instead of me having to follow the route my dad sets for me, to take over his company one day." 

Instead of comparing yourself to others of higher status (or whoever), why not compare yourself, to your older self? That will be a fairer and healthier competition... to me.
  

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Do things that your future self will thank the present you.

It has been 3 weeks and I have totally forgotten about this personal space I have.
So what has been going on this 3 weeks? Well, it was a hectic one!

Firstly, I actually rejected my job offer for the first time.
Yes, you didn't read it wrongly. I actually rejected my second job offer of my life for the very first time.

I don't exactly know if it's something to be proud of but hey, I actually didn't regret rejecting it.

Learning from the previous lesson, I actually got really careful about sharing my plans, news or any plans that I had with anyone. Unless until it's really confirmed and worth sharing. I don't want to end up disappointing people around me and myself again(like how i previously did).


The previous time? I was in a dilemma you know. People telling me all sorts of things and even making the decision for me then convincing me to understand where they're coming from then agree with their decision (woah, it's a mouthful. You get my point).

So what did most of the people I shared the previous job offer told me? Yeap you guessed it:

Accept it! WHY NOT? Never try never know. You are jobless now anyway.

This time, I only share it with my mum, because I was in such a dilemma again. To venture into a field/sector that will bring me good prospect or continue looking for what I want. I really regretted sharing in the end because its the same old words.

Never try never know. Bring you good money? So why not?

This time, I listened to my inner voice and followed my guts feeling. To reject politely. Even though it might bring me good prospect or good money for the time being... it's not what I want. It's not where I want to apply my skills at. I don't want to accept it for the sake of convenience and for the short term monetary reward as I know I am bound to regret it at the end of the day.

Did i regret it now? Nope. Not at all. I know I will have problem settling down or even expressing myself freely/creatively (even though my position will be graphic designer but trust me, the company have no respect for creative) and I will be going back to the starting line again. Been low self-esteem, doubtful of myself and etc. I had enough and is mature enough to reject politely.

Come to think of it, I actually am proud of myself, to listen to my inner voice this time and knowing what's best for me.

So after this whole dilemma, I had the opportunity to meet a very young entrepreneur from NUS. His company is interested in looking for someone with the passion for creative and photography. The lucky thing is, I am actually shortlisted as he finds me a fit for the position. He is totally different from all the people I have met during multiple interviews. He listens to what I want, my concerns and believes I have what it takes to excel in this field.

The feeling of having a stranger telling you that he loves your work and placing all his trust in your expertise during the first meeting? Priceless.

It gave me the motivation and push, knowing that, hey, maybe what I have thought myself to be all this while is right. This guy even offered me a event shoot on the spot. A launch party for the company taking place the following week. I accepted immediately. With confidence and and trust in myself this time. It ignites my passion and drive once again. Something I have not felt for the longest time.


It's a wonder how things have changed. From ORD-ing from army on November 2015, searching frantically for a job on December 2015, landing my first job on January, depressing February (I have a post about it but I'm not gonna share!) to March, where I found myself again.

I really hope this passion and drive will go on, to bring me to places where I truly wanna be.


The moral of the story? Listen to your inner voice, you know what you yourself want best. People are going to advice you based on their value of life, which often differs from yours. So why bother what other people are going to think or say when everyone have different views and values of what we are suppose to do with our time (that doesn't mean you can waste it away!).

That's how your future self will thank the present you, just like how I am thanking the past me for rejecting a tempting job offer now.

Now the question for you (if there's any reader):

Will your future self thank the present you?

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First post of 2016!

Hi there!

My name is Don, 24 years old this year. Residing in sunny side up Singapore, I have an interest for photography that is unable to describe. Being able to capture various moment for different people has always been my dream ever since I picked up photography 5 years ago. 
I speak 3 languages fluently, English, Chinese and Sarcasm.
I am attached to a lovely lady named Jaslyn. She's my best friend for years and also my soul mate. She's also the reason why I am panicking over my future too, to build a better future for both of us.

However I am really lost now, uncertain about what to do, which path to take and decisions to make. But I always believe as long as I work to find my true self, one day this uncertainty will disappear. Therefore, this blog. I really believe that through text and typing down whatever I am feeling for the day will help, somehow.

It has been ages since I really pen down my thoughts (or in this case, type) or about my day to day happenings (my last blog post was like...5-6 years ago? Damn I'm getting old).

This space of mine will be used for my personal thoughts, lessons that I am going through right now so as to serve as a reminder when I read it in the future and of course, some photos that I have taken.

I apologize as I don't really write well, my vocabulary is really limited and maybe some grammar mistakes here and there. But hey, practice makes perfect right? Right.

So there you go, do visit my blog if you are interested in what I'm going through, learn with me or just to know me more. I bet you will see the other side of me through all these texts.


Ciao!

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