When you thought you had it all.

Ever had those moments when you thought you had it all, all that promises, a plan that you are just waiting to execute beautifully, yet before it could even happen, it's gone.

It happened to me, thrice this year alone (barely into 1/3 of the year, woah). I had so much confidence in myself, so hopeful of what's going to happen to me. Then I can have my life plan, marriage, part time degree, everything. It was perfect in my head. But guess what, life usually doesn't give you what you want before going through some shit.

I remember when I was still in the airforce, my friends around me who have already got out of National service actually mentioned that they wish they were still in the force. I thought they were crazy to say this. Who didn't want to get out of a life that they hated so much everyday, dreading it every minute? They talked to me, telling me that it's really different to be out here, looking for a job or just getting everyday by. I was so confident with myself and skills that I pushed them aside and gave them a "I got this." attitude. 

Guess who didn't got it?

Oh, how wrong was I, to think that my plan and future after I'm done with national service will be executed perfectly. I will be leading the life I want!

Coming to 6 months of my "freedom" and I'm still barely getting by. (Joke on myself, you might be seeing me serving starbucks coffee really soon.)

Everyone says and tell each other, follow your dream, your aspiration and believe in yourself. We see it in advertisement, drama, movie that as long as you believe in yourself, follow your dream everything will work out fine.

And here, I'm telling you my friend, one thing that no one ever says because being pessimistic about life and yourself is a big no-no...

That's total bullshit.

Unlike the movie, or anything you see on the social media or TV or whatever, everything was nicely planned out, scripted. (Fortunately, unfortunately.)

Oh they ran into a failure while trying to achieve something out of their life, oh someone came by and gave them this opportunity and oh happy ending.

It's a lie. 

We all know life doesn't work out so well. We don't get to meet nice people all the time, appreciating you, giving you the opportunity to learn and grow. Instead, most of time we meet nasty people, who rejects you no matter how well you do, who shuts their door in your face and shouting at the top of their lung if you don't do something well.

That's the ugly truth my friends. Reality hits the hardest when you thought you had it all.

Everyone knows that, but no one really tell you what to do or expect. Why? Because like I said, being pessimistic about life and yourself is a big no-no in other people's eyes. People don't care about how you slogging at work daily, or how many setbacks you have encountered before working as what you want to do and being successful in life.

So do you give up, nope. Don't you even dare. I'm not giving up despite after so many rejects or doors that were shut in my face. Because I know, when one door shuts in my face, another door will open behind me. It's just a matter of luck and time. All these bad experiences, rejections will only build me up and pushing me harder into what I really want to become. Yes, I can get pretty depress or upset at time, you can be depress and upset. Go ahead, we are all human, it's fine. But promise me, brush off those doubts and negativity, get back up and continue working towards what you truly believe you are capable of.

When you fall, get back up. It's hard but you have no other choice. Because you are the "director" of your life. You script your own life with every decision you make. It's not going to be easy but you know at the end of the day, it's all going to be worth it.